The Dentist says I'm Pregnant

It's funny how bad experiences make you afraid of things. Like how catching myself on fire a few months ago has made me so afraid of flames of any kind that I sometimes catch my thoughts drifting to possible horrific "what-if" scenarios when in the presence of anything remotely hot. A similar kind of fear established itself last summer (2007) when I went to the dentist and had 2 cavities filled. These were not my first fillings, but this was the first time it was traumatic. I wasn't all the way numb or something, because I felt the nerves all through the drilling. I made him stop and give me more drugs. Even then, I felt everything. Turns out he did a crappy job, because I had to go back and have him fix one of the fillings.

Here in Cleveland I have been avoiding the task of choosing a dentist, so afraid I would choose a bad egg. Well, while I won't say today's experience was pleasant, because the dentist never is, it was at least tolerable. When I opened my mouth, the dentist went on and on about my enamel. That it could never be replicated, that it's the most beautiful kind of enamel on the face of the earth. And imagine my supreez when it was the dentist himself who did the teeth cleaning and polishing! I have never had this happen. Ever. And it wasn't as if the office wasn't crawling with hygienists, because it was. A dentist who cleans people's teeth?I was sold on this being the best dentist ever, when all of a sudden I realized the difference between a soft-spoken, gentle hygienist and a dentist at the end of his workday. The difference between the two is a lot of pain. Seriously, you would not believe the aggression with which this man scraped at my teeth and gums.

And the always-comical moment of every dentist appointment is when the dentist freaks out about your gums bleeding, as if they should be used to being scraped with METAL INSTRUMENTS. This of course is exactly what happened again today. But I was prepared. I fought back. I told him first what I just told you about the metal instruments. He retorted that he should have been able to do what he did and not have the gums bleed at all. I was having none of it. I pointed out that never in my life has anyone scraped anywhere near that hard, so give me a freaking break. But he would have none of it either. He said that usually when a mouth reacts the way mine did, it's because of the hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy. I'm not kidding. That's exactly what he said to me. And then he waited for me to admit I was pregnant. Enter long, awkward silence. I'm just spitballing here, but me thinks the metal instruments might more likely be the cause of the bleeding.