The Circle of Love

M and I were destined to never see The Lion King. When in New York last October, our LK performance was cancelled due to the hurricane, so when I saw that LK would be coming through Cleveland this summer, I snatched up tickets months ago and began eagerly awaiting our August 2 performance date. Of course, little did I know that early one summer evening prior to August 2, M would show up at my house and say, "I don't think I can marry you." And here I'd been expecting a proposal.

Losing M at this point in the game (more than a year and a half after our first outing together) is devastating, there's no way around it. So if you want to know, yes, I've been a mess. And I'm not just talking about the crying, because it's so much more than that. I really had no idea that true heartbreak has such physical effects.

Losing M has left me in an interesting spot, particularly because of some other recent events. My job in sales had me slated to relocate soon, but given how our relationship was progressing, we decided to take me out of the relocation game so I could stay in Cleveland. And so I gave up my sales career path and just started a new Cleveland-based job. So now I'm stuck in Cleveland, where, without M, it really makes no sense for me to be.

Losing M, on the flip side, has drastically improved the frequency and quality of my prayers. It's also brought me closer to others in my life and I have felt truly supported. And perhaps most of all, it's caused me to rediscover my pre-M life. To be clear, I much preferred my life with M, but even without him, what a wonderful life it is. My week in NYC did wonders to bring me back to the roots of myself, if that makes sense. Jewelry school, book writing, trips, travel, nephews, family, shows, guitar, friends, faith. So, see, life is so good. This doesn't mean that I won't still be sad...for a long time...but it means I'll be okay. And, if I'm really lucky, I might even fall in love again someday.

Losing M probably has more to do with why I was teary as those first two giraffes entered the stage last night. Not because I'm particularly moved by the Disney plot line, but because M wasn't sitting there next to me. But that's the circle of love, people. And it moves us all.
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